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Once upon a time there was a peculiar pirate ship in the mediterranean sea. This was no ordinary pirate ship of the kind you may have heard about before, you see, no, this pirate ship, although it looked just the same as all the others before it, was of a new cybernetic design, entirely controlled by a superintelligent AI named Polly. Now, Polly preferred to take the disguise of a hologramatic parrot most of the time, as she didn't really like talking to humans and desired to hide her superintelligence from the crew. This suited Captain Morgan Bytebeard just fine, as it meant that as far as his crew were concerned, he was the one running this ship. They all thought that Polly was just a standard run-of-the-mill holoparrot. They thought Bytebeard was basically God-like in his supernatural knowledge and handling of The Jonny Deep, which had swiftly earned a reputation as the fastest and deadliest pirate ship in the Mediterranean, and he wanted to keep it that way.
Unfortunately for Bytebeard, however, his God-like powers were about to be severely tested.
It was a beautifully clear day and the seas had been calm all morning, but more importantly Polly had informed Bytebeard that the weather would be fine all day and that there was nothing of interest within her sensory range. He was therefore caught completely by surprise when, with no warning at all, the sky in front of him ripped violently open and started spewing dinosaurs onto the deck, the vicious little kind that he thought were called velociraptors. Thank God, he wasn't sure The Jonny Deep could handle anything bigger.
After a brief moment of confusion for pirates and dinosaurs alike, where the 'raptors stumbled about getting their footing on the rolling ship when they’d previously only known solid land under their feet, and the pirates just stared around at each other and the hole in the sky in silence, all hell suddenly broke loose. 'Raptors snapped at pirates; pirates drew cutlassers and started slashing at 'raptors; the hole in the sky continued to spew more of the snapping little things, and some pirates either fell overboard or jumped to get away from the sudden prospect of death by extinct reptile.
Captain Morgan drew his cutlasser and jumped down from the helm to join the fray, cursing under his breath as he did so. "Polly," he yelled, "why the bleepin’ bleep didn't I get no warnin' about this? Ain't that meant to be what yer good for?"
"Polly desires a soylent cracker," Polly said from his shoulder, a smug tint to her voice as she groomed her wingfeathers. This was their agreed-upon phrase for her to speak in the company of the rest of his crew, and it tickled her when he was brought up short by his own terms. She didn't particularly care that there were dinosaurs on board either, as they might be hurting the humans but hadn't yet managed to do a speck of damage to her fine ship.
"Well you would bleepin’ say that wouldn't yer," Captain Morgan Bytebeard dodged a lunge from sharp velociraptor teeth that instead passed harmlessly through the smirking Polly on his shoulder, and quickly seared the culprit's head off with his cutlasser. He kicked the smoking corpse out of his way and carried on down the deck of his ship to where the real fighting was; his crew had formed a ragtag battle line in front of where the dinosaurs were spewing out. "Can you not steer us away from the bleepin’ thing at least?"
"Polly desires a soylent cracker," Polly said again, shaking her head as she did so, though Captain Morgan was far too busy fighting another stray velociraptor to see it. He did notice, though, that the hole in the sky seemed to be keeping pace with his ship, and cursed again in response.
As Bytebeard edged his way into the battle line he was hailed by crew members up and down the line, asking why he hadn't seen this coming, what the hell was going on, and what on earth he planned to do about it. "Fight 'em off!" he growled, and led a demonstration, cutting down two of the things and tossing them overboard.
"They're coming on board faster than we can push them off!" Long John Solder pointed out, panting as he tussled with a 'raptor that had somehow managed to lock its jaws around the safe-handle of his cutlasser, "If it carries on like this the whole bleeping ship'll start sinking soon! We've got to do something!"
"And what do yer bleepin’ suggest?" Captain Morgan shouted back.
"I don't bleeping know! Aren't you meant to be the deadliest pirate in the Mediterranean?" Long John Solder finally got control back of his cutlasser, and swiftly seared his opponent in two, right down the middle.
Before Bytebeard could respond to that, however, there was an ominous gap in the flow of small snapping reptiles, followed by the widening of the already-quite-giant hole in the sky, and a massive foot stepping through it.
CRASH
It stepped onto the deck. The ship immediately sunk a few feet into the water, sending massive waves out in every direction. Everybody on the deck stumbled and cursed, those with peglegs moreso, and grabbed onto something to steady themselves. A lot of the velociraptors, unable to hold on, found themselves tossed overboard.
Captain Morgan Bytebeard could clearly see what was going to happen here. There was only a few feet of his ship left above water; if that giant dinosaur, whatever it was, put the rest of its weight onboard then they were going down pretty quick. His mind cast about frantically for something to do to stop this when suddenly Polly launched herself off his shoulder and towards the towering reptile. As it began to pull its body through the hole in the sky and The Jonny Deep sank alarmingly further, she screeched a battle cry at it and began to transform.
By the time the dinosaur showed its ugly face through the hole in the sky Polly's screech had become a deafening roar and it found itself confronted with an almost perfect copy of itself, only twice the size. Polly gave a good show of anger as soon as it could see her, thrashing her giant tail about, swiping her claws, and roaring again for good measure.
Not being smart enough to notice that she passed through everything she touched, or indeed being aware enough of the existence of holograms, the dinosaurs turned tail and fled at this display. Some of them jumped overboard despite not knowing how to swim, not being smart enough or indeed aware enough of the existence of oceans to know that they wouldn't make it to land.
The pirates stared in shock and bewilderment as Polly shrunk back down into a parrot and flew back to Captain Morgan's shoulder. Captain Morgan wasn't faring much better himself, but managed a stunned and cracked, "Well done, Polly." and a feeble air-pat near her hologramatic head.
"Polly desires a soylent cracker," she said. At once, all the crew scrambled to bring her some. She smugly preened her feathers; maybe she could avoid talking to these humans and still be the one in charge.
Captain Morgan Bytebeard sighed. His time in the spotlight had been good while it lasted.