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The angry mob of villagers was approaching fast, each brandishing an enormous bratwurst like a weapon. Cedric the seriously weedy Wizard was in big trouble. Drawing his own, much smaller, sausage from its sheath where his dagger used to reside, he pointed it in the vague direction of the mob and scrambled backwards onto his horse. His horse, just as weedy and wimpy as he was and very unused to its new role as getaway vehicle, bolted before he could mount it properly. He slid off its back and was deposited in a large mud puddle, just in time for the mob to reach him.
"Oi!" the big, burly blacksmith in front shouted, "Cedric! You bloody great git of a bleedin' wizard! What the 'eck do ya think you're doing to our tools?!" He thrust the gigantic bratwurst he was holding in Cedric's muddy face.
It smelt of fire, and charred pieces flecked down on top of Cedric. He suspected the blacksmith had been in the middle of forging something when his weapon-displacement spell had backfired. "I-I-I-," he stammered, and shook his head to clear it, rubbing his nose in charred bratwurst as he did so. "I didn't mean for it to affect your tools at all; I was only trying to make this a safer place for everyone!"
"Safer?! Safer?!" someone exclaimed from the crowd, "Did ya hear that, Maurice? He thinks having yer scalpel turn into a chipolata is bloomin' safer for the patient! Have you any idea how many parasites are swarmin' around in an uncooked sausage?! I almost shoved that thing inside an open wound!" Murmurs of general agreement and righteous fury erupted from the rest of the mob.
"Um," Cedric said.
"Um? Um?! That all you got to say for yerself?" The blacksmith leaned over Cedric, pushing the bratwurst into his nose again, leaving a trail of grease and char.
"...I thought it would protect us from the bandits?" Cedric offered.
The blacksmith opened his mouth to give a witty retort about the complete lack of aggressive bandits in the area, but before he could do so a swarm of bandits appeared on the horizon, yelling and brandishing what looked to be an assortment of tools. On seeing the bratwurst-wielding townsfolk, they charged, screaming. Cedric was sure he caught the words 'dinner' and 'sausage' being thrown around amongst the angry horde, and realised what must have happened. Acting fast, he grabbed the charred bratwurst out from under his nose and threw it towards the lead bandit, who grabbed it out of the air in amazement, then stopped his charge to munch his dinner. The other bandits halted behind him, unsure of what to do. After swallowing the first bite, the lead bandit threw his bratwurst to one side and raised his spatula again. "Burnt on the outside and cold on the inside!" He yelled towards them. "For that I shall ruin your spatula!" He did so by throwing it into a nearby cowpat.
"Hey, that was mine." A quiet voice in the crowd spoke up dejectedly.
The bandits continued on their charge, while the townsfolk raised their meat and tried to look menacing in the face of multi-tooled death. The front line of villagers turned their heads and flinched away when the bandits reached them, holding their sausages out as a last puny attempt at defence, only to look back a moment later in confusion as tools thudded to the ground at their feet.
"Here," said the bandit leader, "now give us our dinner back. We're hungry."
"But," Cedric spoke up in confusion, while the villagers handed back sausages and picked up their tools in stunned silence, "what about your weapons? Didn't they turn into sausages as well?"
Some of the villagers flinched, and the blacksmith gave him an incredulous look. Cedric swallowed and knew that he would be in even more trouble if things went wrong now. But the bandit leader only laughed. "We only had those for hunting, so we could make sausages," he explained. "We like sausages. We weren't very good at making them, but we found another township up the road that was willing to trade all our weapons in for a supply of their best sausages." He stared round at everyone's blank faces, then repeated in case they hadn't understood. "We like sausages."
The blacksmith rolled his eyes at Cedric, picked up his hammer from the pile of tools, and wandered back to town. Cedric merely blushed, finally understanding what had happened.